Chapbooks
Open-and-Shut
If you have no idea what you’re looking for, take heart knowing you’re going to find it, provided you keep searching for it.
Quotes
My idiot brother, who overslept again, has only received the Law. He shows me what it says: Thou shalt respect, obey and serve those superior to thee.
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Every time we manage to flub it all up and the world comes crashing down, the Bard of Avon shows up and hauls us out of the bogland.
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The executioner apologizes because he accidentally put the noose under the sentenced man’s arm. “That’s okay,” says the condemned. “Just don’t let it happen again.”
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Should have learnt to cook from the wife while he still had the chance.
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At the hotel the concierge was reluctant to translate it verbatim, only remarked the guide must have been one of those suffering from bipolar personality disorder or very disappointed with the tip.
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Smart people are killing us off.
(Artwork by Toni Verkruysse.)
Capsized
using a questionable metaphor
the lead prosecutor marvels
why go down with the ship
if not the captain
to drive the point home
he reminds me
of my allegorical status
a mere sailor
I explain
my rank doesn’t matter
because
I am on the ship
it is our ship
there’s no other ship
(Artwork by Toni Verkruysse.)
Win
(prosimetrum)
victory
you thrust forward
and success
you draw blood
his blood ends up on you
on your hands
on your shirt
a few drops on your face
Blood transfer (a wash, in a way).
reality
there was never a dispute
never a quarrel
never an issue
only the bayonet
between the two of you
Now, one peasant less.
The bayonet was government issued.
(Artwork by Toni Verkruysse.)
The Ultimate Judge
The prison doctor informs the warden that 24601 should be checked by a dermatologist and suggests one practicing in the area.
O’Neil, a particularly brutal guard, is assigned to take the inmate to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the specialist concludes that the lesion on 24601’s shoulder is only eczema.
As they’re leaving, the doctor notices a suspicious mole on O’Neil’s nose and advises him to come back for a full dermoscopic evaluation including tissue biopsy.
It turns out to be skin cancer.
Life is unfair, says O’Neil.
Life evens the score, says 24601.
(Artwork by Toni Verkruysse.)
Double, double toil and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble -- Shakespeare (in Macbeth)
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken — Oscar Wilde
Questions
sleet shots pinging the window
clickety-clacking is the tram
neighbors talking politics
it’s mid-morning
maybe close to noon
why is it still inky dark
or am I dreaming
no
turns out
I haven’t opened my eyes yet
it’s nice and soothing
the closest thing to sincere peace
what if I stay like this
eyelids glued shut
can I also turn off my ears
will the world go away
(Artwork by Toni Verkruysse.)
Short shorts
Science
Experiment: Put a piranha and a fish ten times the size of the piranha in the same tank.
Result: You don’t have to feed the piranha the next two weeks.
Warmth
Tiny little things, the THOOP rechargeable hand warmers my mother sent me for Christmas performed beyond the highest expectations. They proved especially useful during the recent arctic vortex. True, I still lost a couple of fingers and a thumb to frostbite but, just imagine, it could’ve been so much worse!
Opinion
I firmly believe foreign-born women shouldn’t become First Lady, and should be deported if they misbehave. A friend of mine has pointed out that my wife is also an immigrant. Well, one more reason.
Inheritance
Be nice to her, otherwise she’ll write you out of her will.
But I can’t stand her; she’s an unbearable arrogant old hag.
That’s exactly what I meant by “otherwise.”